Saturday, 20 February 2010

Allusin Poem Rough Draft

Bright eyed,
Shrewd,
Resourceful,
The girl that strongly believes woman can do anything,
Ruled by the mind not by the heart,
She carefully guards herself,
Protecting her emotions and vulnerability,
Becoming unaffectionate and self-righteous,
But secretly shielding away the pain and hurt


Strong,
Merciful,
Independent,
Coming off as the wise counselor,
Always has empowering advice,
To prove those wrong, keeping them away from blunder acts.
Straight forward without holding anything back
Using her strength of intelligence.

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4 comments:

  1. riri21 February 2010 at 20:49

    Raena,
    I love the way you structured your poem, it is very organized and flows well. I also think you used really good evocutive language. I think you used very articulate word,such as (empowering, blunder,shrewd, vulerability). But on the downside your poem needs alittle more voice to show the comparison to you. And also you should add a more better ending to your poem. But other than that good job.
    -Marissa :)

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  2. SHORTSKEEZZ!21 February 2010 at 22:53

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  3. .22 February 2010 at 02:21

    Raena,
    Good job, i know you've had trouble writing your poem but this is a start. I like your word choice a lot. the words that you choice werent too cliche and it made your poem a bit better to read. I still cant figure out who your goddess is or what your myth is. I agree with micah you can see that your are talking about being an independent and smart woman. and you are using your intelligance to protect yourself and help others. You can just fix up your conclusion and have more comparisons of you and your goddess and you will have a good poem .

    -Desha

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  4. lsueoka23 February 2010 at 02:46

    Hi Raena,
    Like your teammates, I think this is a strong poem. Like them, I am not too sure of the allusion. I am thinking Athena, because she was known for her intellect and wisdom, but I am not sure.
    Therefore, I also agree with your teammates that you should add a few more specifics, both about your allusion and about your own life.
    And be sure to include the graphic in your final :)
    mrs s

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